


Ain’t No Sunshine

by Reynardine612



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), F/M, Gen, Gytha Margret Shepard hates her name, Multi, non-linear storytelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27259339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reynardine612/pseuds/Reynardine612
Summary: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and my first attempt at creative writing in a very long time. After playing through the trilogy again I had this story bouncing around in my head, and decided to try and get it down “on paper”.Chapters will be posted as I complete them, plus as it’s a work in progress, posted chapters will be edited regularly.
Relationships: FemShepard/Kaidan Alenko, Shepard/Garrus
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_Alchera, 2185_

**_1_ **

“No, thank you Garrus. I really need to do this alone. EDI says there’s no activity at all around the crash site.”

Commander Gytha Margaret Shepard gently placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder, “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Garrus didn’t look convinced. His mandibles clicked in concern. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, far from it in fact. After spending nearly a year under her command hunting the rogue Spectre Saren Arterius he had learned that she was more than capable of taking care of herself. And everyone else in the galaxy, apparently. 

“I know you’ll be fine, that’s not really the point. I’m just… concerned that the debris could be unstable. Would hate to have you taken out by a random hunk of falling bulkhead. Not exactly a fitting end. Plus I’m not sure any of us could handle having to go to your funeral again this soon after getting you back.”

Shepard chuckled, amused at his attempt to find a legitimate excuse to join her. “I’ll keep a close eye on the wreckage and I promise not to get too close to anything that even looks like it potentially could be unstable. But Admiral Hackett personally asked me to do this, plus I think it’ll bring me some much needed closure.”

“Can you do me a personal favor and at least let me pilot the shuttle down to the surface? I’ll wait inside, give you all the privacy and time you need. But you really shouldn’t go down there alone, it’s far too big a risk. Besides,” Garrus shrugged, “it’s not like I couldn’t use some closure, too.”

She had to admit he had a point there. After all, he had also survived the attack on the original Normandy though unlike her he hadn’t needed to be resurrected; he had managed to get to an escape pod along with Engineer Adams, Tali, Wrex, and two other crew members including the requisition officer. But she understood how it could help him deal with any lingering feelings he might have.

“Alright, I can do that. You’re probably right about not going completely alone. Joker said we should be there in about an hour, so be ready.”

Garrus nodded, then turned back to his calibrations for a few more minutes before heading down to the shuttle bay. Shepard turned around and headed to the elevator, then up to her cabin to finish the report about what had happened with Warlord Okeer and why instead of him she had a tank grown Krogan still in his breeding pod in the port cargo bay. _Need to decide what to do with him,_ she thought to herself. _Probably should go wake him up; having a Krogan with us would certainly make combat more interesting if nothing else._

“Commander, we’re in orbit around Alchera.”

Joker’s voice cut through her thoughts, startling her back to the present. She glanced at the photo on her desk, then with more effort than was probably necessary pushed herself out of her chair and headed down to the shuttle bay, stopping only to grab her armor.


	2. Chapter 2

**_2_ **

Shepard was not fine. 

She and Garrus landed in a clearing in the middle of the debris field, not far from what was left of the port armor plating, “NORMANDY” still emblazoned along the side. 

“Might take a while to find all the dog tags that are missing. Hackett gave me a list with 20 names and I really want to make sure I locate all of them. While I’m doing that, if you want to look around and see if you spot a good place for the monument that’d be great.”

Garrus nodded from the pilot’s seat. “Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re ready to head back.”

Shepard grabbed her helmet, slid it over her head and opened the door. The blast of cold air pretty much went right through her armor causing her to shiver involuntarily. A memory of Noveria suddenly invaded her thoughts “ _Mom was right. I shoulda brought a sweater.”_

She wondered where Kaidan was at that moment, in an instant very much aware that of everyone in the galaxy, _he_ was the one she wanted with her right then, but she had no idea where he was. The Illusive Man said he was still with the Alliance, which meant his email _should_ have worked but every message she had tried to send just bounced back at her as undeliverable. Which probably meant he was working on something classified and with her out of the Alliance (for now at least) she had no way to find out. Or Cerberus was not letting her communications through, though that seemed the less likely option, oddly enough. None of that changed the simple fact that she had been dead for two years, was now alive again, and had been unable to contact the only person who had been able to break through her considerable defenses directly into her heart. 

She stepped out onto the surface and looked around. It only took a minute before she noticed the first dog tag, the cold Alchera sun glinting off the frozen metal. It didn’t take long to find the rest, scattered among the debris. She found a few in crates that she broke open, a datapad that had been Pressley’s revealing how his xenophobia had melted away the longer he served with the aliens she had met and recruited in her fight against Saren and Sovereign. She even found her old N7 helmet on a ledge near one of the escape pods. 

The memories were intense, particularly when she walked into the cave that once was the crew deck. But the thing that finally broke her calm was when she looked down on the floor and noticed the last thing she had expected to find: a guitar pick. She looked up and realized that she was standing right next to what had been Kaidan’s station and that was when the floodgates threatened to open. She stood there, holding the pick in her hand, eyes squeezed tight trying to stop the tears, the memories overwhelming. By and large she succeeded, though she could tell that she probably wouldn’t be able to hold it back for much longer. 

_I need to get back to the Normandy. Get to my cabin, and just let this out. No need for anyone to see me like this. It’s been two damn years. He’s probably moved on. Either met someone else or just threw himself into work. Maybe formed that band he had talked about._

She chuckled despite herself. 

_Definitely threw himself into work._

She looked down at her hand, guitar pick sitting in the center of her palm, 20 dog tags hanging from her wrist. 

“Garrus, I got them all. Spot a good place for the monument?”

Garrus’s voice crackled through her coms, “I think so. What about that big open area in front of what looks like what’s left of the cockpit?”

Shepard walked out of the remains of the crew deck, looked in the direction Garrus mentioned and realized it was the perfect place. She collected herself mentally and headed back to the shuttle to help Garrus place the monument. They stood there together for a few moments quietly looking at it, before Garrus turned and walked back to the shuttle. Several minutes later, Shepard’s voice came over his com. 

“Let’s head back, Garrus. I need to go to the Citadel, talk to the council and hopefully get my Spectre status reinstated while not being arrested for treason.”

“I think saving the council and defeating Sovereign bought you some forgiveness.”

Shepard huffed. “Let’s hope. Otherwise I might need you to break me out of prison so I can save the galaxy again.”

“That, Shepard, would be my absolute pleasure,” he purred, placing an arm around her shoulder as she got back in the shuttle and began to remove her armor, conversation transitioning from helmet to ears. 

_Well, I might not have Kaidan anymore, but I’ve got my two best friends back, and that really is pretty fucking amazing all things considered._

_So why is my heart still breaking…?_


	3. Chapter 3

**_3_ **

Shepard couldn’t get to her cabin fast enough. She barreled past everyone in the shuttle bay directly into the elevator and up to her cabin. Once she actually walked through the door however, she suddenly had no idea what to do with herself. The soft glow of the as yet empty fish tank gave her cabin a surprisingly homey feel, but she didn’t feel at home. Her legs walked her to her desk without any conscious effort on her part, plopping down on the chair. Too many emotions to process. Two years gone in the blink of an eye, and now she’s back and they expected her to just be exactly the same?   
  


_How could I possibly be the same person? Jacob said he was pretty sure I’m not a clone, they had a body to start with. Meat and tubes. But how do I really know what’s real and what’s been reconstructed?_

Shepard managed to collect herself enough to write a short note to Admiral Hackett informing him that she had located all 20 missing tags and placed the memorial, and would send the tags to him once she was docked at the Citadel in a couple of days. 

She had been hoping that going to Alchera would provide at least some closure on what was easily the worst day of her life, to lessen the lump that seemed to reside permanently in her throat, to help her begin to move on with her life. All it did, however, was reinforce just how much she’d lost that day. 

She stared at the framed photo on her right. 

“I miss you so much it hurts.”

The floodgates finally opened and Shepard cried until she fell asleep with her head on her desk, Kaidan’s guitar pick gripped tightly in her right hand. 


	4. Chapter 4

_The Citadel, 2183_

The crew of the Normandy had been going basically non stop since Feros. Between checking out the leads they had found at the ExoGeni headquarters, chasing down Cerberus, clearing out the Geth that were amassing in the Armstrong Nebula, and helping out both Garrus and Wrex with some personal favors the food stocks, basic medical supplies and a number of other essential items were almost gone. Shepard decided that everyone aboard deserved a bit of shore leave, even if they were only going to be docked for a couple of days.

“Hey Skipper. Any plans for shore leave? Feel like grabbing that Armistice Day drink we talked about?”

Ashley’s sudden presence and questions from behind her caused Shepard to jump. She had thought she was the last one left aboard, everyone else having scattered to various parts of the Citadel. 

Well, almost everyone else apparently.

“That sounds great, Ash. Have anywhere specific in mind?”

“Possibly. I heard about a little Earth-style dive bar down in the Wards. Rumor has it they have actual live bands play a couple times a week, and honestly I don’t remember the last time I had both the time and opportunity to see a real band play real music.”

“That sounds perfect. Give me a few minutes to finish up here and I’ll meet you down in C-Sec.”

Shepard closed her locker and turned to leave when she suddenly got the notion to change out of her regular BDUs and into some proper civvies. She really didn’t feel like dealing with all the attention she was sure to get walking around in the clothes (or worse, her armor) that everyone had learned to recognize her wearing. 

_Might be why I’ve been dawdling about heading ashore… I really don’t feel like dealing with people right now, no matter the species, but I can’t stay cooped up here. A proper dive bar might just be the perfect thing. Maybe they have real beer._

Between the comfortable clothes, the prospect of actual earth alcohol, live music, and the anonymity that is all but guaranteed at a darkly lit bar, Shepard was actually beginning to feel relaxed when she finally stepped off the elevator into C-Sec Academy. 

“Hey Commander! Over here!” Ashley’s voice drifted up from near the rapid transit console. Shepard turned towards the sound of her friend, jaw dropping when she finally picked her out of the crowd. Ashley had also changed out of her BDUs, but into an outfit that would have been better suited for an evening gambling at Flux - a long, form fitting dress that exposed both her back and mid drift in rich pinks and lavenders.

“Damn Ash, you look fantastic. I thought you said we’re going to a dive bar? Did you want to go to Flux instead?” Shepard asked, suddenly feeling extremely underdressed. She had really been looking forward to the bar and was about to suggest returning to the ship to change when Ashley smacked her in the arm. 

“Of course not. I’m the one who told you about this place. I just felt like dressing up a little. Gets a little boring wearing basically the same thing every day.”

“I can respect that,” Shepard chuckled. It was both a pro and a con wearing nothing but BDUs or armor. On the one hand, it took all the stress out of getting dressed in the morning. But on the other hand, Ash was absolutely correct when she said that it gets a bit boring after (if she were being honest with herself) not very long. Shepard had never been one to wear dresses, not since school on Mindoir where students wore an antiquated uniform consisting of a white collared shirt and a gray knee-length pleated skirt that was someone’s misunderstood idea of a kilt. She had also vowed to never wear one again after the raid that left her entire family and all her friends either dead or enslaved. So even she was surprised at the pang of jealousy she felt looking at how her friend had been transformed from a hardened soldier to a vision of elegance in the span of maybe 15 minutes. 

“So where is this place? Also, what are the chances they serve food? Beer on an empty stomach seems like a bad idea, and I would kill for a cheeseburger,” Shepard mused, slowly becoming aware of just how hungry she was. Weeks of being in non-stop “work mode” meant she had been surviving mostly on protein bars and rations, leaving the better tasting food to her crew. 

“Zakera Ward, near Shin Akiba. Because of course there’s a dive bar in the commercial district,” Ash rolled her eyes slightly as she tapped at the rapid transit console calling a taxi to bring them to one of the few places on the Citadel with a large population of humans and the possibility of relaxing. 


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard and Ashley arrived at Shin Akiba after a short taxi ride, during which Ash was able to figure out the exact location of what turned out to be called The Pour House. A few blocks away from where the taxi let them off, Shepard noticed an old fashioned sandwich board which had in very large, colorful letters LIVE MUSIC! COLD BEER! A TASTE OF EARTH!

“I think that’s the place, Ash. C’mon, let’s go. First round will be on me. Besides, any place that calls itself “The Pour House” is bound to have at least a decent selection of beers, and I’m hoping they have more than the usual commercially available brands.”

As they got closer to the entrance they began to hear the first tendrils of music coming from inside. At first, Shepard wasn’t sure what kind of music she was hearing, but proximity brought clarity and she quickly recognized the song as “Thunderstruck” by the old 20th century rock band AC/DC.

“Sounds like the band is pretty good. Hopefully that’s a good sign for the rest of the evening,” Ashley said, picking up the pace, eager to get inside. Once through the door they were not disappointed. The room was dark, the only real illumination coming from the stage and from behind the bar, slightly mismatched wooden tables and chairs scattered almost haphazardly around the room, framed photos of various places on earth adorning the walls and a bar that looked like hand carved wood lined with over two dozen taps. Shepard’s face immediately lit up when she noticed one of the taps was Buzzard’s Bay IPA.

“Ooh, good call on this place Ash. The ambience is perfect and they have my favorite beer on tap. Let’s go order and grab a table.”

As they approached the bar, Shepard turned her attention to the stage and the band that was playing for a moment. It was a fairly classic configuration of musicians: drummer seated at a standard drum kit, bass player, a singer who was also playing guitar, a second guitarist playing lead and a keyboard player. All were wearing clothing that she recognized as typical of the same era as the music they were playing - blue jeans and t-shirts. Two things simultaneously struck Shepard about the band; the first being their keyboardist was an Asari and the second was how incredibly talented the lead guitarist was.

“Mesmerized by the guitar player? Yeah, you and every other woman who catches his rare guest appearances. Can I get you something?” The bartender looked expectantly at Shepard for a few more seconds before she realized the question was directed at her.

“Uh, yeah. Pint of Buzzard’s Bay and a cheeseburger. Ash, do you know what you want?”

Ashley burst out laughing. “Yeah, Skipper, already ordered while you were gawking at the band. Let’s go grab us a table.”

Shepard and Ashley took the two pint glasses the bartender had placed by them on the bar and headed over to a small table near the center of the room. Sitting down, the two women both took a few moments to admire the band. They had finished the previous song and were getting ready to start the next as the lead singer was introducing the rest of the band for the dozen or so people sitting around clearly only half-listening.

“Thank you so much! We’re gonna do one more then take a short break!” There was a brief shuffling of instruments as the lead singer swapped out his acoustic guitar for an electric and the other guitar player tapped a few pedals on his footboard. Shepard could not take her eyes off him. He looked incredibly familiar, but a ball cap and dark glasses obscured his face enough that she wasn’t sure.

“Ash, do you recognize that guitarist? I feel like I’ve seen him before somewhere…”

Before Ashley had a chance to answer, there was an unexpected voice coming from behind them.

“Hey Commander. Come down to hear Kaidan play?” The voice belonged to Joker.

“No, just enjoying some down time- wait… what?”

Joker looked incredulous. “You mean you didn’t know your illustrious lieutenant is basically a reincarnation of Greg Allman? Why do you think they’ve been playing all 20th Century rock all night?”

Shepard looked at the band.

 _Holy shit_.


End file.
